One of the most damaging questions we ask survivors of domestic violence is, “Why didn’t she just leave?”
Because leaving is not always as simple as walking out the door.
For many women, leaving means navigating financial dependence, threats, housing insecurity, children, isolation, emotional manipulation, and the very real fear of retaliation. In some abusive relationships, separation can increase the danger.
Yet, society often scrutinizes the survivor’s decisions more intensely than the abuser’s behavior.
Why are we questioning her survival instead of questioning his violence?
Feminism demands that we challenge the culture of victim-blaming. A woman does not have to leave perfectly, immediately, or permanently to deserve compassion, protection, and support.
Stop asking why she stayed. Stop judging her for returning.
Start asking why someone felt entitled to hurt her in the first place.
The responsibility for abuse belongs to the person committing it, never the person surviving it.
Believe survivors. Replace judgment with support. Hold abusers accountable.
Because liberation means more than telling women they are free to leave. It means creating a world where they can do so safely.
With hope and support, from a survivor, 💜
